Guilty as Charged
by mynamemattersnot
Summary: House breaks a lot of hospital rules so Cuddy and Wilson decide to torment him with constant reminders.
1. Sticky Notes

**Author's Note: Wrote this because I could and I thought it'd be humorous. Enjoy! David Shore created House and I had nothing to do with it.**

House woke up to the annoying sound of an alarm and almost automatically went for the snooze button went he felt a piece of paper. He sat up interested wondering who it came from and what it said. He almost thought it'd be something from Wilson, but he was surprised when he read: _Clinic duty is required for every doctor including you._

House smirked. It was definitely Cuddy's doing. He noticed another sticky note under it that said: Don't even think about coming in late today. House shrugged and took his time to get ready. He wasn't surprised when he found another sticky note on his flame decorated cane that read: _Sexual harassment will no longer_ _be tolerated._

House rolled his eyes and went to toss the sticky notes in the trash and on the trash can there was another one that said: _Quit having your team break into the patients's homes. _He was beginning to get annoyed when he found another sticky note on his fridge that read: _And don't even think about performing a surgery without my permission._ And another on his bottle of scotch that read: _Don't even bother going to work drunk._

House was beginning to get feed up real fast with the sticky notes and when he found one on the door that said: _You better not play that handheld device all day again,_ he cursed out loud to himself.

There was another one on his motorcycle that read: _Be careful and wear your helmet. Sunglasses aren't adequate protection._ This time he laughed an annoyed laugh. Wilson probably did help Cuddy with all these sticky notes. He was going to make sure that he would get revenge on both of them for annoying him all mourning with sticky notes.

In his helmet, there was another one that said: _Stop calling your team names._ House sighed and put the helmet aside and rode to work with only his sunglasses despite what the sticky notes said. When he got in the elevator, he opened his vicoden bottle and found a sticky note that said: _Try taking less today. You've been popping to many pills lately._ House grinded his teeth and swallowed two dry and limped to his office.

He came into his office and looked into the differential diagnosis room and saw entertained looks on his ducklings's face. He limped in there quickly to find his white board covered with sticky notes of hospital rules that he had broken and other stupid lit reminders.

"Dammit!" House said angrily as his Chase tried to suppress his laughter, Foreman smiled, and Cameron smirked.

He stormed to Wilson's office and on his door there was a note on his door that read: _Knock before entering._ He knocked loudly and inpatiently with his cane not even waiting for an answer before he stormed into Wilson's office.

"Dammit Wilson, you and mommy's sticky notes are everywhere!" House complained loudly and child like.

"Maybe if you behaved, we wouldn't have to put those sticky notes there." Wilson replied.

"Fine. Have it your way, but I will get you two back just you wait."

"I like to see you try."

When Wilson woke up the next day and wished he hadn't said what he said. Sticky notes were all over his apartment. He imagined Cuddy's own house was the same way and laughed knowing with House this was only the beginning of his vengeance.

**Author's Note: So how'd you like the story? Was it any good?**


	2. Wild Goose Chase

**Author's Note: Didn't plan going any further with this, but you guys wanted more so here is another chapter. Hope you enjoy the madness! I** **don't own House or the characters.**

Cuddy sighed in annoyance when she saw her house covered with sticky notes. She knew it was definitely House's doing as he was probably trying to get even with her. Cuddy smiled to herself evilly. He wouldn't be able to get even with her either. What she was planning next was just so clever even House wouldn't find an adequate come back.

Cuddy smiled to herself even knowing Wilson and herself will probably receive hell today. Yet, her smile quickly faded when she looked in the mirror and saw she was bald. There was a sticky note on her mirror that said read: Now you look like Wonder Boy's little sick kids.

Cuddy looked at the mirror and saw the anger and horror on her own face. She had no time to go buy a wig so she put a hat over her head to hide her baldness.

She looked in her closest and nearly squealed when she saw Steve McQueen, House's pet rat running free in her closet. It took her a lot of energy and time just to catch him and she quickly put him in a container not even really thinking. When she went to find some shoes, she was even more horrified to find all of her shoes were ruined with rat poop.

Cuddy just took a deep breath and walked out of the door only wearing socks. The inside of her car smelled like a stink bomb so she drove to work as fast as she could as she walked into the hospital she began to wonder what sort of punishments Wilson had suffered.

**(HOUSE MD)**

Wilson expected no less than what he had already discovered House had done. He had cut holes in every lab coat he had, dyed his eyebrows pink, stole every item in his fridge, and when he went to work he found his paperwork covered in glitter.

Wilson was throughly annoyed, but also knew that Cuddy was pulling so come back that House wouldn't be expecting. He briefly wondered what kind of plan she had in store. He was likely going to hang out at House's tonight so he probably would figure out what Cuddy had done.

Later, when he went with House back to his place they opened the door to a wild goose. The house was pretty well trashed. Thankfully, the piano and House's guitars had been moved prior to this, but the apartment was covered in feathers. Some of the furniture was completely ruined.

House looked appalled and Wilson was just plain shocked that it had this little war had esculated to such extremes so quickly. Even when he and House worked together, they couldn't catch the goose. It was literally a wild goose chase.

They both eventually gave up and Wilson suggested calling animal control. House shrugged so Wilson called them and they after so time of chasing the goose around finally caught it and caged it safely without injuring the animal. Wilson looked at House wondering if he could think of something bigger than a wild goose chase. He saw the look of determination in his friend's eyes. The same look he had whenever he looked at his white board solving a case. Surely, this wasn't going to be the end to the war.

**Author's Note: So was the second chapter enjoyable? I** **hope you loved it as much as the first one. Now I'm** **probably going to end up with a lot of chapters of Cuddy and House trying to gain the upper hand in pranks and tricks.**


	3. Camping

**Author's Note: I know the last chapter was very extreme. A little too extreme so for now on I'm** **taking it down a** **knotch. Hope you still enjoy it! Sadly, House was never mine and will never be.**

Cuddy was quite surprised when she stepped into her office to the horrific sound of discordant notes of a piano. The man hired to play the horrible discordant sounds wouldn't even respond even when she yelled at him. She couldn't even concentrate so tried to call security to no reply.

She very annoyed, angry, and impatient stormed out her office to find security. Strangely, there was no security member in site. Cuddy wasn't very surprised. She made a mental note to herself to find better security guards.

Cuddy looked around hoping to find at least one or find House and tell him to get rid of the piano player in her office, but the search was rather fruitless. She finally went to search the roof and heard the sound of the door locking behind her.

Horrified, she banged on the door and yelled, "House, let me back inside."

"Sorry mommy, daddy can't do that right now." House replied.

"Dammit House!"

Cuddy sat on the roof and sighed. She was surprised to find a few jackets, a tent, an umbrella, a sleeping bag and some food items up on the roof. She sighed in both anger and annoyance knowing that Wilson had helped him, but at the same time she wasn't too surprised.

In fact, Cuddy felt guilty having unleashed a wild goose in House's apartment. It was a careless stupid choice that could have gotten House hurt real bad. She figured she deserved a night of imprisonment on the roof. Yet, she knew she wasn't going to be the first to surrender and apologize. Instead, she was going to find some safe way to get back House and come back on top.

Cuddy spent the night on the roof mostly planning on what she could do to strike back. She had little sleep because she knew to beat House she would have to think of something good. Really good.

The next day when it was about time for her to start work, Cuddy luckily found the door unlocked. She sighed in relief until she saw the stairs randomly messed up with glue and glitter. She sighed as she knew she figured that the best way to get past this would only be to take her shoes and socks of and actually step in the glue.

Cuddy's face twisted in slight disgust as she stepped right into the glue and she went down as fast as the glue would allow and by the time she made it down the stairs her feet were sticky and pasty from the glue.

She sighed in annoyance and impatience and headed back to her hospital. Cuddy was slightly shocked to find her path was blocked by a marachi band. She almost broke down laughing and crying, but she kept her emotions at bay and took a deep breath and carried on even as they followed her or jumped back in front of her.

Cuddy was beginning to wonder how much money Wilson was spending on these musicians to annoy her. Or maybe House had some influence over these musicians and probably maybe even had the resources to blackmail them. It didn't really matter.

Cuddy needed a good counter plan. One so good even House and Wilson couldn't think of a way to fight back. She taught of many things, but she remembered she shouldn't be too cruel. Yet, she could fight fire with that fire. She smiled. It was brilliant.

Cuddy knew that could only be the beginning of her plan but to pull of the other part of the plan. She would need help. House's ducklings might be able to help her, but she knew they would be more likely to side with House. She had to have some way to get them to work for her and to keep quiet about it. She laughed realizing the answer to that question was actually relatively easy. Even House would not be able to come back from this. Of this, Cuddy was certain. She smiled smugly and evily to herself knowing that she would win.

**Author's Note: Or will she? *Mischievous smile* Just you see. And don't forget to** **press that little button down there and leave a comment.**


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